Hanani

God is gracious. This is what God taught me recently and made me fully understand what it means.

We all know that God is gracious, because it’s by His grace that we can live and that we make a chance for eternal life with Him.
But, do we really realize what this grace means for us in our daily life?
I didn’t.

It’s been almost a year since the Hebrew word ‘hanani’ first caught my eye during reading the Bible. I didn’t know what it meant, but felt that it had to mean something, so I looked it up. It means ‘God is gracious’ or ‘God has gratified me’. At the time, I thought it was a beautiful word, but still didn’t understand what exactly was meant by it. So I just went on with my life. Now, past past Sunday, during service we sang words like ‘Be gracious, Lord’ etc. I sang along, while thinking that the words didn’t mean a lot to me. Of course I was grateful that God was so gracious to give us a chance, but they remained vague words from an old song to me.

Now, it must be said that God is very attentive, because the whole further day He showed me the contents and capacity of His grace. I can’t explain what it felt like, or why these specific occurences made me understand His grace, but they did. In a very special way, He answered a longing I’d had for some time, at the moment I least expected it, which makes Him even more a genius, because that made it more special. I then knew that God knows our desires better than we do, and that above all He knows best how to answer those yearnings in the most satisfying way. Not to forget the best part: He not only knows what’s best, but is so gracious to DO what’s best and satisfy us by doing so.

Please keep that in mind, trust that He will. It might take a long time and you might give up all hope, but He hasn’t forgotten about you, and He’s waiting for the best moment to give you the best. Hanani!

Psalm 62…

… verse 5 (or in some translations verse 6). My ‘revelation’. God works in mysterious ways, I’m blessed to experience that over and over again. Because I find it worth sharing, I’ll try to spread out the story of this revelation in order to let you see the wondrous thing about it.

Lately, my soul has been a bit restless, I’m seeking for a lot of things, trying to sort things out, trying to find peace in my mind, heart and soul again. Most people will completely understand that kind of struggle, it’s something that seems to be inherent to human nature. Yet, not easy to live with. Luckily we have the Bible in which we can find a lot of comfort, and we can talk to God whenever we want to. I’ve tried to fix things this way: just read in my Bible and pray every day. Of course it helps, but I clearly forgot something… And after past Sunday I finally understood what I was doing wrong. It happened as follows. After going to church (which was a struggle in itself to go there, but that’s stuff for another post  :-)), I went to the VC’s to spend some time with my nearest and dearest. At a particular moment everyone was occupied, so I just sat down on the couch in the living room and was looking a bit around when my eyes spotted two papers hanging on the wall. They clearly had been hung there on occasion of the Advent. I was curious about them, because I was used only to see candles, and nothing more. So after reading the first paper which had a nice verse on it, I read the second paper which had also a verse on it. Three guesses which one (VC’s may not compete, it’s too easy for them ;-))… right: Psalm 62 verse 6 (in the Dutch translation ‘Het Boek’):

“O, mijn ziel, richt u toch helemaal op God en wees rustig. Ik verwacht alles van Hem.”

The New International Version (verse 5) says: ”Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.” But I’ll literally translate the above, because it says more: “O, my soul, focus thee completely on God and be still/find rest. I expect everything from Him.”

While I was reading it, it was like peace and rest was being poured into my soul, it felt wonderful. It really was the one thing I had been looking for all the time, every word spoke to my heart. I then knew what I had been doing wrong (and will do wrong in the future, because it’s very easy to forget). I had been focusing on the things that troubled me, the things I didn’t know what to do with, in stead of focusing on God. Afterwards it all sounds so obvious, but it isn’t that obvious at all, because I thought I wás focusing on God by reading in His word, by talking to Him, but now I understand I wasn’t.

It may well be, that you read this verse, or the whole psalm (which is very beautiful by the way), and that you don’t feel anything special, or don’t see how this verse can be so special, because maybe you’ve read it a million times before, and that’s exactly part of the mystery. Maybe if I read this verse a year ago (I might even have :-)), it wouldn’t speak to my heart, but because it does now, it is a sign for me that God is still living, and that He knows about my daily wonderings and wanderings and my whereabouts and He took the effort to let me read this verse, just the right verse, just the one He knew would touch me.

So, to all the ones who struggle: don’t give up, for our God is mighty and He really knows EVERYTHING about you, He knows your every day life, He knows how hard it sometimes can be (He has lived on earth too) and there’s no one who better understands your struggle. Be blessed!

Ancient History…not only war

Long ago I was taught about the Ancient Rome and its language. I must confess I didn’t really enjoyed Latin until my fifth year when we finally learned about Latin poetry, but it sure was worth the trouble. My favorite Roman poet is Catullus, who wrote a lot of witty poems about love, betrayal, passion, etc. Here are some poems of him, called the Carmina.

Carmen 5

Vivamus, mea Lesbia, atque amemus,
rumoresque senum severiorum
omnes unius aestimemus assis!

Soles occidere et redire possunt,
nobis cum semel occidit brevis lux,
nox est perpetua una dormienda.

Da mi basia mille, deinde centum,
dein mille altera, dein secunda centum
deinde usque altera mille, deinde centum!

Dein, cum milia multa fecerimus,
conturbabimus illa, ne sciamus
aut ne quis malus invidere possit
cum tantum sciat esse basiorum.

Let us live, my Lesbia, and let us love,
and let us judge all the gossip of old severe men
to be worth just one penny!

The suns are able to fall and rise,
when for us that brief light has fallen,
we must sleep one never ending night.

Give me a thousand kisses, then another hundred,
then another thousand, then a second hundred,
then yet another thousand more, then another hundred.

Then, when we have made many thousands,
we will mix them all up so that we don’t know,
and so that no villain can be jealous of us when he knows
how many kisses we have shared.

Laten we leven, mijn Lesbia, beminnen,
en alle roddels van strenge en oude
mannen beschouwen als nietszijnde praatjes!

Zonnen kunnen ondergaan en t’rug rijzen:
wanneer ons ‘t korte levenslicht één keer dooft,
zullen we één lange nacht moeten slapen.

Geef me duizend kussen, en daarna honderd,
daarna nog eens duizend, en opnieuw honderd,
zo voortdurend duizend, en nog eens honderd.

Daarna, na ‘t geven van vele duizenden,
samen de tel kwijtraken, zo vergeten,
zodat geen snoodaard jaloers zou kunnen zijn,
als hij wist dat het zoveel kusjes waren.

Carmen 85

Odi et amo. Quare id faciam, fortasse requiris?
Nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.

I hate and I love. Why I do this, perhaps you ask?
I don’t know, but I feel it happening and I’m being tortured.

Ik haat en ik bemin. Waarom ik dat doe, vraag je misschien?
Ik weet het niet, maar ik merk dat het gebeurt en ik word gefolterd.

We also learned about Greek poetry, that is even more beautiful. The female (! very rare) Greek poet Sappho is my favorite. Unfortunately, because of the rather long time of period that has passed since she died, not all of her poems have been preserved and only a small fragment of them, but still they remain “breathtaking”.

Fragment 3

Ἄστερες μεν αμφὶ καλαν σελανναν
αἶψ απυκρυπτοισι φαεννον εἶδος,
οπποτα πλήθοισα μαλιστα λαμπῃ
        γαν επὶ πασαν αργυρία …

The stars around the lovely moon
Their radiant visage hide as soon
As she, full-orbed, appears to sight,
Flooding the earth with her silvery light.

De sterren rondom de mooie maan
verbergen hun stralende schoonheid,
telkens als ze vol is en het meest schijnt
op heel de aarde.

Fragment 2

Φαίνεταί μοι κήνος ἴσος θέοισιν
ἔμμεν ὤνηρ, ὄστις ἐναντίος τοι
ἰζάνει, καὶ πλυσίον ἆδυ φωνεύ-
        σας ὑπακούει

καὶ γελαίσας ἰμερόεν, τό μοι μάν
καρδίαν ἐν στήθεσιν ἐπτόασεν·
ὡς γὰρ εὔιδον βροχέως σε, φώνας
        οὺδὲν ἔτ’ εἴκει·

ἀλλὰ κὰμ μὲν γλῶσσα ἔαγε, λέπτον δ’
αὔτικα χρῷ πῦρ ὐπαδεδρόμακεν,
ὀππάτεσσι δ’ οὐδὲν ὄρημ’, ἐπιρρόμ-
        βεισι δ’ ἄκουαι.

ἀ δέ μίδρως κακχέεται, τρόμος δέ
παῖσαν ἄγρει, χλωροτέρα δὲ ποίας
ἔμμι, τεθνάκην δ’ ὀλίγω ‘πιδεύης
        φαίνομαι ἄλλα.

Blest as the immortal gods is he,
The youth who fondly sits by thee,
And hears and sees thee all the while
Softly speak and sweetly smile.

‘Twas this deprived my soul of rest,
And raised such tumults in my breast;
For while I gazed, in transport tost,
My breath was gone, my voice was lost:

My bosom glowed; the subtle flame
Ran quick through all my vital frame;
O’er my dim eyes a darkness hung;
My ears with hollow murmurs rung.

In dewy damps my limbs were chilled;
My blood with gentle horror thrilled;
My feeble pulse forgot to play;
I fainted, sank, and died away.

Die man lijkt mij gelijkend op een god
te zijn, die tegenover jou zit en van dichtbij
naar je luistert terwijl jij zacht spreekt

en bekoorlijk lacht, iets wat mij werkelijk
m’n hart versteld doet staan. Want nauwelijks
kijk ik je even aan, of het is onmogelijk
dat ik nog spreek,

maar mijn tong is gebroken, dadelijk kruipt
een fijn vuur onder mijn huid, mijn ogen zien niet meer,
mijn oren suizen,

het zweet loopt over me heen, een beving
grijpt mij helemaal aan, ik ben valer
dan gras, het lijkt alsof ik bijna ben gestorven.

Fragment 42

Ἔρος δαὖτ’ ἐτίναξεν ἔμοι φρένας,
ἄνεμος κατ’ ὄρος δρύσιν ἐμπέσων.

Love shook me like the mountain breeze
Rushing down on the forest trees.

De liefde schudde mijn hart,
zoals de wind zicht stort op een eik op een berg.

Fragment 40

Ερος δαὖτέ μ’ ὀ λυσιμέλης δόνει,
γλυκύπικρον ἀμάχανον ὄρπετον.

Now Love masters my limbs and shakes me,
fatal creature, bitter-sweet.

De liefde doet mij weer trillen en verslappen,
als een bitterzoet, onweerstaanbaar gedierte.

Fragment 93

Οἶον τὸ γλυκύμαλον ἐρεύθεται ἄκρῳ ἐπ’ ὔσδῳ
ἄκρον ἐπ’ ἀκροτάτῳ· λελάθοντο δὲ μαλοδρόπηες,
οὐ μὰν ἐκλελάθοντ’, ἀλλ’ οὐκ ἐδύναντ’ ἐπίκεσθαι.

As the sweet-apple blushes on the end of the bough,
the very end of the bough, which the gatherers overlooked,
nay overlooked not but could not reach.

Zoals een zoete appel rood wordt bovenaan een tak,
bovenaan de hoogste tak, en de appelplukkers hem vergeten zijn:
maar nee, ze zijn hem niet vergeten, ze konden er niet bij komen.

Fragment 109 (meant as being said by a young bride)

Παρθενία, παρθενία, ποῖ με λίποισ’ ἀποίχῃ;
Οὐκέτι ἥξω πρὸς σέ, οὐκετι ἥξω.

“Maidenhood, maidenhood, whither art thou gone away from me!”
“Never again will I come to thee, never again.”

“Maagdelijkheid, maagdelijkheid, waarheen heb je me verlaten?”
“Ik kom niet meer terug bij jou, ik kom niet meer.”

That last fragment is something to think about. Nowadays not many people are conscious about ’maidenhood’ anymore, sadly, because I can imagine that they have lots of regret when they’ve lost it before they realized they had it. I think Sappho had already some idea…

There are so many more, to be found on this site. I hope they soon find more manuscripts somewhere hidden in Greece or Egypt, so that we’ll finally be able to read her full poems.

The number Pi

Because I’m nuts and fond of numbers, here is a mnemonic for pi (π). My professor of computer science mentioned it during class and I wanted to learn it, so I looked it up. I expect all of you to memorize it so we can quote it together whenever I see you!! (Okay, just kidding.) I know it’s in French, but there isn’t a better English alternative. To become the figures of pi, just count the length of each word (and ignore punctuation marks). So the first line becomes: 3,1415926535.

Que j’aime à faire apprendre ce nombre utile aux sages !
Immortel Archimède, artiste ingénieur,
Qui de ton jugement peut priser la valeur ?
Pour moi, ton problème eut de pareils avantages.
Jadis, mystérieux, un problème bloquait
Tout l’admirable procédé, l’œuvre grandiose
Que Pythagore découvrit aux anciens Grecs.
0 quadrature ! Vieux tourment du philosophe
Insoluble rondeur, trop longtemps vous avez
Défié Pythagore et ses imitateurs.
Comment intégrer l’espace plan circulaire ?
Former un triangle auquel il équivaudra ?
Nouvelle invention : Archimède inscrira   
Dedans un hexagone ; appréciera son aire
Fonction du rayon. Pas trop ne s’y tiendra :
Dédoublera chaque élément antérieur ;
Toujours de l’orbe calculée approchera ;
Définira limite ; enfin, l’arc, le limiteur
De cet inquiétant cercle, ennemi trop rebelle   
Professeur, enseignez son problème avec zèle.

I’ve tried to translate it:

How I would like to make this useful number being taught to the wise !
Immortal Archimedes, artist engineer,
who would be able to appraise the value of your judgement ?
To me, your problem has had similar advantages.
Formerly, mysteriously, a problem blocked
the whole admirable procedure, the grandiose work
that Pythagoras discovered for the ancient Greeks.
Oh quadrature ! Old torment of the philosopher
Insoluble rounding, too long you have
defied Pythagoras and his imitators.
How to integrate the plane circular space ?
To form a triangle to which it would be equal ?
New invention : Archimedes will inscribe
in a hexagonal ; will appraise its area
in function of the radius. Not much will he adhere to :
will divide each anterior element ;
always will approach the calculated orbit ;
Will define the limit ; finally, the arc, the one that limits
this disquieting circle, a too rebellious enemy
Professor, instruct his problem with zeal.

It was rather difficult to translate, so I didn’t really try to make a nice literary translation, but to use as much English equivalents of French words as I could. And I was once again amazed by the number of English words derived from French words (French rulership has caused a lot of damage :-) ). And in search of translations I also found out a lot about maths. Conclusion: this waste of time has been useful in some way.

God is great!

My sister was baptized past Sunday (October, 14th), after being ill for 5 years and after she “re-discovered” God. It was a wonderful happening! I cried (of course) and was overwhelmed by Gods love for my sister. Another few things happened and it all encouraged me to think about my relationship with God.

It is amazing to see that even when we go through the darkest of all valleys, God is there with us. Actually I should say especially when we go through the darkest of all valleys. Because when we’re broken, God can teach us more about Him and about the way we should live. That doesn’t mean that I will seek difficult times or that God doesn’t want us to have good times. It only means that sometimes we need to fall, e.g. when we are going in the wrong direction. Only then God can pick us up and put us on the right track again. Like a father who teaches his child.

What I learned this time is that God really should be my top priority. Because I can try to live all day without spending any time with Him, but it is all in vain, ALL in vain if I don’t walk in the footsteps of Jesus, if I don’t walk with God beside me. Because, where am I going if I’m just wandering on my own? Nowhere, towards an emptiness, towards death. But if I walk with God, I’m going to the home Jesus is making for me, isn’t that wonderful? And if I walk with God, He can shape me, mold me, so that in the end, I will be like Jesus.

Here are some verses that I find encouraging:

Psalm 23:4

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
         I will fear no evil;
         For You are with me;
         Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Psalm 126:5-6

Those who sow in tears
         Shall reap in joy.
 He who continually goes forth weeping,
         Bearing seed for sowing,
         Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,
         Bringing his sheaves with him.

Psalm 56:8-13

You number my wanderings;
         Put my tears into Your bottle;
         Are they not in Your book?
 When I cry out to You,
         Then my enemies will turn back;
         This I know, because God is for me.
 In God (I will praise His word),
         In the LORD (I will praise His word),
 In God I have put my trust;
         I will not be afraid.
         What can man do to me? 
 Vows made to You are binding upon me, O God;
         I will render praises to You,
 For You have delivered my soul from death.
         Have You not kept my feet from falling,
         That I may walk before God
         In the light of the living?

Also take a look at the songs added to the ‘Song’ page.

E=mc²

Don’t worry you who dislike maths, this post isn’t really about difficult mathematical problems, it is about Gods huge intelligence.

I’m currently very busy with maths, and it surprises me every time how wonderful the universe works. We’re used to the fact that 3+3=6, but imagine if it wasn’t! If there would exist a world where everything changed the whole time, where there wouldn’t be the possibility of algorithms, definitions, scientifical proofs, it would be CHAOS! As was the universe before God created it. There was only chaos, but then God brought structure in this chaos so it would become a magnificent structured whole that would work perfectly even in the tiniest details. The reason why science exists, is because God is so intelligent, because He structured our world according to all these mathematical principles. It is a bit ironic, because most sciences reject the existence of God. Although there are a lot of scientists who believe there must be some intelligent creature, because they too believe that this perfectly working world (if you imagine all the evil away, so you end up the way the world was in the beginning) couldn’t be created by mere coincidence.

The thoughts that popped up in my mind while reflecting on this, were as follows. We are intelligent, but sometimes we fail, we fall short of intelligence to solve a certain problem. If this happens our first thought must be: let’s ask God, He is SO intelligent, He must know the answer. Unfortunately, we aren’t that intelligent, so we often forget to ask. Or we are even dumber and forget that God is a trillion (and more) times intelligent than us and we think we are lost, because the answer is too difficult for anyone to understand, or we simply don’t ask because we think there isn’t an answer. Or we do ask, but forget that some things are just too ‘big’ for us, our intelligence has a certain limit, we cannot understand everything, although we long so much to understand, ’cause that would solve a LOT of our problems. The result is that the mystery remains in Gods hands (apart from the parts we still have to discover). The thing about this that comforts me, is that the mystery couldn’t be safer, than in the hands of thé most intelligent one, who we can trust with all our heart.

Many blessings

I had some reflections today, and here is the result. I thought about the fact that sometimes we expect blessings from God (because we’re used to them or because we’re having a difficult time and we want some sign of hope). Now, I don’t think it is entirely wrong to expect things from God, because He has made us some promises. But I do think we must be careful in what we expect and in what manner. If we just sit and wait, nothing big will happen, but if we try to open our eyes for the many “little” blessings (this is not the right expression because every blessing is “big”, but I guess you know what I mean), we will soon discover that there are a lot of them and that sometimes we are too blind to be able to see them and enjoy them.

I think many of these situations must be amusing if you imagine to be a witness to the whole scene. You see a person (almost frustrated) walking around, maybe talking to God and asking Him where He left the blessings, while passing a thousand blessings on his path. Maybe he meets someone and this other person wants to say something but the first person is too busy and says he has no time at the present because he has lots of things to sort out. But we can see that this other person had something to say that would bless the first person.
I think in these cases we need to be ’shaken thoroughly’ in order to open our eyes. And -lucky us- God does this from time to time. It might not look like a blessing at first sight, but if we look carefully, we will soon discover that there are many blessings ‘hidden’ on our path, waiting to be discovered.

I know this all sounds ‘easy to say’, but I do believe it is true. (If someone doesn’t, please let me know, because I make mistakes too…)

Wishing you hawk eyes

Would you please call me Cordelia?

Some of you will probably have guessed where I picked up the quote in the title. I will no longer keep the others in suspense: it is from the wonderful amazing beautiful movie Anne of Green Gables (actually a book, but I haven’t read it yet, but I’m sure going to!). I saw it some time ago with three wonderful friends, Veerle, Naomi (my two fellow Anne-with-an-e-freaks) and Thijs (my sometimes sweet boy :-p).

Anne Shirley is a true (fictional) hero, not only because of her endless imagination (that sometimes gets the better of her :-)), or because she is a lively, sweet girl, but also because she can make terrible things look wonderful. I think I could call her a kindred spirit.

There are some other things that stroke me in that movie, namely the magnificent landscape.

Past weekend I went to Fléron (a little village near Liège in Belgium) and there I was again reminded of God’s beautiful creation. The little house we rented, was situated on one side of a small valley.

Sunday I decided to go for a walk (the others didn’t feel much for it, so I went alone). After descending the road a bit, I found a tiny path hidden between two houses. The evening before we had tried to get into the valley, but it was too dark and that same path looked too scary. But in daylight it turned out to be a jolly twisting road that led straight into the valley. The view wasn’t the Niagara Falls, but it was a nice piece of nature. I felt quite overwhelmed with happiness, so I decided to walk further down the road. Finally I ended up at the other side of the valley where I had another beautiful view. Pity that I couldn’t take any pictures, but I’ve stashed it in my memory. That moment I also realised that I should do similar things more often. Just go taking a walk in a nice forest or through some fields and giving God a chance to communicate with me. Because here at home I’m often so busy that I just pray, but don’t make time after it to simply be quiet and listen. But I think it’s very important to do so. So I hope I’ll soon be acquainted with every little piece of green nature in the neighbourhood.

Blogtroubles (update)

I’m currently having some problems with my blog and I don’t know how long it will take to fix it (since the support page is out of order), so I won’t be posting anything (or very few) till it’s fixed (but I have some ideas already, and now I have a bit more time to think them over). You’ll notice when I’m back in business :-).

I think it’s fixed!! Now I can finally start blogging! Hopefully you’ll enjoy it.

Just some verses

Here are some verses I read and that I never want to forget (the first one is from 1 Peter 3:10-12, the second from 2 Peter 1:5-8)

 “If you want to enjoy life
      and see many happy days,
   keep your tongue from speaking evil
      and your lips from telling lies.
 11 Turn away from evil and do good.
      Search for peace, and work to maintain it.
 12 The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right,
      and his ears are open to their prayers.
   But the Lord turns his face
      against those who do evil.”

5 In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God’s promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, 6 and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness, 7 and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone. 
 8 The more you grow like this, the more productive and useful you will be in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I think it will take a long time before I will EVER (during my earthly life) accomplish the things quoted above, but it’s a nice goal to aim at and it’s also comforting to know that God knows that we aren’t perfect, although we should try to be perfect, according to Gods rules, not ours (and not lose hope after failing everytime :-)).